How to be a respected negotiator

If you want to be a respected negotiator build long term relationships and create value for both parties then you need to build trust first. Trust is earned and can be lost easily.

Only when the other party trusts that you are genuine and don’t use dodgy means to come to the best deal then you will be taken seriously; and you will earn the trust of the other party. Trust is the foundation of a collaborative negotiation whereby both parties will feel that they got a good deal in the end.

A trustworthy relationship is important to your reputation and it will allow for more negotiations and more deals with that party.

We build trust trough ‘relatedness’ (David Rock). Once we find some similarities, we build rapport and feel ‘related’ to each other which builds trust.

Robert Cialdini describes in his book ‘Influence’ that similarity builds rapport which results in trust.

The law of liking and the law of similarity

It is no surprise that we like to deal with people we like and who are similar to us. This is highly exploited in the market and influences us to buy more than what we initially wanted. Cialdini uses the Tupperware party to illustrate the exploitation of the principle of liking.

Tupperware uses all the weapons of influence such as reciprocity, you either win a price or get a gift which makes you feel obliged to purchase something. Commitment, each party participant is asked to tell the others publicly for what they use the Tupperware and what the benefits are; they show their commitment to the product.

Social proof, there is that peer pressure, if people buy it then it must be good, and I should buy some too.  Cialdini says that the real power of influence here lies in the principle of liking. The parties are arranged by people who invite all their friends. The request to buy the product is now coming from a friend and so you would feel bad leaving without having bought a thing. After your friend has invited you to their house; there were drinks and snacks too, so you feel the need to buy something.

This is a great example where all the strategies of influence play nicely together and if you have been to one of those parties you have probably bought something because you felt obliged not because you needed it.

Before your next negotiation think about the other party; what type of person are they; what do they like; what have you got in common with them; what is appropriate to wear – make sure you are neither over not under dressed.

Information sharing

Sharing information also builds trust and it shows that you are willing to open up and tell the other party about your situation. Make sure you only divulge information that you can and want to give away, never be an open book, prepare carefully what can and what cannot be shared.

By doing this the other party will feel obliged to do the same and they will start to disclose information too. This is called the law of reciprocity. I give you something which makes you feel obliged to give me something in return.

Treat them with fairness

At no point should the other party feel that they have not been treated fairly.

If you use tactics make sure you don’t get caught out.

If you concede on your offer make sure you concede with reluctance, make it hard for the other party to get as this will give the impression that it was difficult to give away. People value things more that are hard to get; if it was too easy, they might think that they could have gotten a better deal.

Trust is the foundation of a long-term relationship make sure you build trust and maintain it. Once trust is lost, it is hard to get it back.