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Why you need to disobey in a negotiation


The book influence by Robert B. Cialdini, PH.D. has become an international bestseller. This book on persuasion explains why people say ‘yes’ and how to apply this knowledge. He discusses six common principles which he also calls mental short cuts as we rely on mental short cuts every time we are faced with a decision. He explains how to use these principles, how to become a skilled persuader and how to defend yourself from them.

In this post we will discuss the sixth principle – Authority
When we were little, we had to learn that we need to obey to authority and that disobeying is punishable. The first lessons come from our parents then we continue to get the messages of obedience at school and it continues through our lives.
The power and the value of obedience lies within our culture. How often do we hear someone saying: ‘This is against the law’; or ‘This is not allowed’. We often don’t question it as to why we are not allowed to do something, we just comply.
As adults most of us we have a boss we must answer to because they are in positions more senior to us and have more power.

Then there is the government or a judge we need to adhere to.  Obeying is rewarding and easy as we don’t want to argue, justify or be in trouble with the law. And since obeying makes our lives easy, we switch on an automatic response to obeying which can be inappropriate and dangerous at times.
One of Cialdini’s examples of such obedience to authorities is in medicine. Health professionals have that authority that most would never question. What the doctor has ordered needs to be followed. The set up of the medical institution is very hierarchical whereby judgement by a doctor would never be challenged by health care staff only; by a doctor higher in authority level. This is quite a dangerous system of automatic obedience amongst health care professionals.
In aviation it was the same, the pilot was the authority and the one who made the decisions; the pilot was never questioned which has led to fatal accidents. Since then this system of automatic obedience has been abolished for security reasons.

The first and most important step is to be aware that we are all susceptible to obedience.
When in a negotiation you need to disobey the other party by questioning everything; and if there is something you don’t like then challenge it or leave. How often do we hear the other side saying: ‘This is company policy’ or ‘This are our terms and conditions’. They are there to suit the other party, not you hence you need to disobey and challenge them.
Secondly use the authority of the other party to your advantage. Don’t be intimidated by their authority as they are also just people and have their motivations, pressures and desires. Ask yourself, why are they talking to me? What can I give them that they want?

You can also flip this around and use this understanding that people are obeying authority to your advantage and make them obey to your terms and conditions or your company policy.
Perhaps you are an authority in your field of practice, or you have a title which gives you more authority over the other party.
What you can also do is hide behind an authority which could be your boss.

Authority is an interesting influencing tactic, make sure you see through it and use it to your advantage.


www.octalonegotiation.com
#influencing #negotiationskills #negotiationtraining

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