While Christmas is all about spending time with family it can also be hard work. Christmas time is where everyone has to be in a good mood and feels obliged to take part in the family festivities whether one likes it or not. In reality Christmas can be very stressful and draining.
Christmas can be a minefield of disputes, from who is hosting it this year, to whether or not to do presents and to the overbearing grand parents who are competing over who has the best and most expensive presents for the grandchildren just to mention some.
Here is some practical advice that might help navigate those minefields and get through Christmas without major injuries.
Set your expectations early
If you are dreading to go to the family Christmas lunch but you feel obliged to, then have another commitment on the day which means that you can only be there for 2 hours or so. Make sure you condition the family early on so it does not come as a surprise on the day.
Be tolerant and pick your battles
I know it can be difficult but, in some instances, it is better to be tolerant than starting to argue. When auntie Jane has had a few glasses of champagne and then starts to comment on your way of life or why your 2 year old son is still not talking, just nod and talk to someone else. Some people always think that they are right, and do you really care about her opinion? This is not a battle to pick.
Don’t tackle the big topics
Christmas is not the time to solve the world’s problems. Everyone has an opinion and everyone is entitled to their opinion, but do we really need to discuss politics and the world affairs on Christmas? It just leads to arguments.
Set boundaries
Setting boundaries can be tough but are necessary. If there are certain topics or issues you don’t want to discuss tell it in a direct but friendly way: ‘We are here to have a good time let’s not talk about this issue right now’. Or ‘I am not in the mood to discuss this right now.’
When it comes to presents, especially with overbearing grandparents set boundaries and tell them what they can buy for your children and how much is enough. Setting this for the first time is tough but you will be surprised that you have set a precedent for the subsequent years and it just becomes easier
Be upfront with people
If you are the host and uncle John has had a problem with uncle Jim and they have not spoken for years but both are expected to be invited to Christmas lunch, be upfront with both of them. Such situations can be awkward for the rest of the family. My advice don’t get involved in their dispute but ask them to behave like adults and stop making everyone else feel awkward.
Once it is all over have a great holiday, relax and enjoy the time off!
Merry Christmas from Octalo Negotiation
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